Thanks to all of you for being so wonderful these last few weeks with everything that happened with my dad.  I really appreciate it.  And thanks to those who link to me.

1. Saving4Later
2. Blogging Away Debt
3. Moonblossom’s Financial Freedom Blog
4. GRACEful Retirement
5. Shaking the Money Tree
6. Sick of Being Poor
7. Shtinkykat’s PF Blog
8. Saving to Pay Down My Home
9. CENTS-TO-SAVE
10. Dedicated to Financial Freedom

We had the memorial service today for my dad.  It was wonderful.  A lot of people that we’ve known since moving to NC came and many talked about memories of him.  It was really touching.  It was so nice seeing people that I hadn’t seen in years.  My grandpa drove down from NY, arriving this morning.  It is so good to see him.  My dad’s brothers weren’t able to make the trip (which I won’t discuss), but they want to have a get-together in honor of my dad up in NY.  We’re hoping to go up for that.

It was a long day too though.  When my aunts and uncles left, it felt like 7:30, but was only 5:30.  I stayed up late chatting on the phone with a friend I’ve known for 6 years.  It’s good cause we talk about my dad, but we also talk about random stuff…which is needed.  Everyone here only seems to ask us how we’re doing, which is fine but sometimes it’s good to talk about other things.

My mom was cute the other day.  She realized that she’s a widow.  She hadn’t thought about it.  I told her that being a widow only describes a fraction of who she is, and that it doesn’t change anything about her.  She’s still the same person.

I hope everyone has a great thanksgiving.  My mom and I are just going to hang out at home.  Even before my dad passed, we weren’t planning to do much.  We’ve been running around so much and making tons of phone calls, so it is nice not having anything we can do for a day.  A friend gave us a pot roast, so we’re going to have that for dinner.  Then, on Saturday, the place where we live is getting everyone together to have a Thanksgiving dinner.  Everyone brings a dish to pass.  It should be a lot of fun.  They asked us if it was still ok if they had it, and we said of course and that we would attend.  My dad would want it to go on and for us to attend.

My dad passed away shortly after midnight tonight.  He had a bad couple days.  As I mentioned in the past e-mail, he was having issues with breathing, but he was feeling better.  But later that evening, he started vomiting.  That continued overnight and through today.  We wanted to keep him home cause that is what he wanted, but his pain medication wasn’t helping and we all decided to have the ambulance take him to the ER so that he could get some pain medication to make him more comfortable.  Shortly after we arrived at the hospital, he passed away.

We’re sad, but we know that he’s no longer in pain and can be at peace.  Seeing him today really enforced that sentiment.

When my dad woke up yesterday, he was pale and feeling weak and light-headed, so we took him to the ER.  We’re supposed to go through either hospice or the doctor’s office, but it was too early for the doctor’s office to be open and we didn’t want to wait for hospice (especially after what happened before).  So, we drove to the hospital about 20-25 minutes away to get him into the ER.  They called the doctor’s office to get the orders for the transfusion and to give him a liquid dieuretic to help him with the fluid.  We arrived at the airport about 8:30 am.  They didn’t start the transfusion until 3:30 pm.  He was released a little after midnight.  It was a long day.  The good thing is now that he is established at the hospital, we won’t need to go through the ER, and it should take a lot less time.  They’ll just admit him as an outpatient, the doctor will can in the order, and then they’ll do the transfusion.

This morning, he was feeling pretty good, so they went to breakfast.  Then, we were sitting at the kitchen table and he started getting really shaky and got really dizzy.  I managed to lay him on the floor, which helps get him back to normal, and gave him oxygen.  He’s now feeling much better, but we feel this is happening due to the fluid building up in his stomach.  He looks about 8 months pregnant.  The liquid dieuretic doesn’t seem to be doing anything, so hopefully this will help convince the doctor that they need to tap his stomach to remove the fluid that way.  It’s really uncomfortable and makes it harder to breath because it pushes on his lungs and diaphram.  The hospice nurse is coming out to check on him after yesterday’s need for transfusion and today’s episode.  Hopefully she can help push the doctor into removing the fluid.

Yesterday the supply company came by with a hospital bed for my dad, along with a bunch of other stuff. The hospice nurse came by again today for a follow up. They try to do one within 48 hours of the initial meeting and admissions. She is really nice. We also had a gentleman come out to make arrangements for my dad to be cremated when the time comes. I know it is a bit morbid, but we’ve talked about these things for a long time so it wasn’t a big thing. The guy was really sweet and is really trying to help us out.

We also went yesterday to sign our wills (updating for my parents, new for me), living wills, and power of attorneys. We had all of it drafted up weeks ago but we kept being delayed in signing everything due to my dad’s hospitalizations. It’s good knowing everything is in place as far as that goes. The lawyer was great too and only charged us $100 each for all of the documents. He said most lawyers would’ve charged a lot more.

Tomorrow we go back into town to see the doctor regarding the fluid in my dad’s belly. They had tried tapping it and removing some while he was in the hospital, but it didn’t really work. They put a bag over it to catch the fluid that leaked, which definetly helped, but now the hole has sealed up and isn’t draining any more. It makes him look pregnant and pushes on his lungs and diaphragm, making it harder to breath.

My mom is also getting all of the paperwork together to reapply for Medicaid. They keep being denied due to their finances. They say they had too much money in the bank. They can only have $2,000 in the bank during each month. Well, my mom, doing the right thing, put money aside to pay bills like car insurance and home insurance. But that of course put them over (usually not by much). They are below that amount for November, especially after paying for hotel and food for 3 weeks, so hopefully they will be approved finally. They could really use Medicaid to help pay for his hospitalizations and now hospice. While I understand they have requirements to follow, it sucks when people who could really use it can’t get it. It is like fighting social security disability all over again.

As I mentioned previously, my dad was released on Friday 11/13.  We stayed in the hotel until Monday as a precaution.  On Sunday, we noticed he was a bit pale and he said he was a bit light-headed, so we took him to the ER for a transfusion.  His hemoglobin was down to a 6.6 again, so they transfused him and released him later that evening.

On Monday, one of his doctors from a different hospital called requesting we come over to talk to her, so we drove two hours to see her.  She basically just went over a few things and called a local doctor to set up transfusions and hospice.  Then we drove home.  It was so nice to be home.  Our cats were so happy to see us.  They’ve all been little stick-tights.

On Tuesday, we drove into town to see the local oncology doctor.  They drew his blood and he was an 11.2, which is great!  They also said they could hopefully make arrangements with hospice to do any transfusions he might need right in the home.  That would be great, so that we don’t have to drive 25 minutes each time he needs one.  After we came back, a lady from hospice came by in the evening to have my dad sign all the paperwork and to go over everything.  A social worker will come by today, and the supply company will drop off all of the larger supplies we will need.  It’s great knowing all of this is in gear and he shouldn’t have to go back to the hospital.

We also received a surprise.  Friends of the family stopped by last evening and dropped off all of the stuff we’ll need for Thanksgiving dinner.  We don’t really have the room to make it (we only have a small convection oven), so we’re hoping to get together at a friends’ to enjoy it.

My dad was released from the hospital this evening.  He’s feeling pretty good, and glad to be out of the hospital.  We’re going to stay in Chapel Hill for a few days just to make sure nothing happens.  Then we’ll head home on Monday.

Although that is the good news, the bad news is that the doctor’s feel that he only has months to live.  The fluid in his belly is usually an indication that the end is approaching.  They said they didn’t find any cancer cells in the fluid (although that doesn’t mean there aren’t any), which excessive cells would indicate weeks.  So, we are going to enjoy whatever time we have left together.  It’s hard but we’re dealing with it.

Not much new to report here from yesterday.  They took out the catheter from the procedure Wednesday yesterday.  He had to lay still for a few hours to make sure he didn’t start bleeding, especially from the blood thinners.  He said it hurt quite a bit, so they gave him some morphine.  They were also supposed to move him back to a regular room in the Cancer Hospital, but he was still in the ICU last night.  They had him there in case they ended up doing surgery, so there’s no real need for him to be there now.

He may get released today, but you never know with the hospitals.  We’re also waiting to hear the results of tests they did on the fluid drained from his stomach.  They said the fluid builds up in the stomach due to 1) the tumor blocks the lymph nodes, so the normal fluid can’t leave, and 2) the cancer itself produces fluid.  They said the testing of the fluid will give them a better idea of what is going on internally.  I’ll let you know once we know more.

So, we got the results of the test this morning.  They put a catheter into the artery near his groin and tried to find the bleeding.  They put a blood thinner into his blood to try to make the bleeding easier to see.  But, they weren’t able to find the bleeding.  They believe he might not be actively bleeding, and the bleeding he is seeing now is just residual (since it can take several days to get out of your system).  His blood work (hemoglobin) is increasing without needing further transfusions, so that implies he isn’t bleeding.

They don’t feelc omfortable operating on him when they don’t know where the bleeding is and because his body is so weak.  They fear it would take a long time for his body to heal, and that he’s at high risk for complications.  So, they are going to keep him for a few more days to make sure he doesn’t start bleeding again.  Then, once he’s released, he’ll have to go in every day or so to have his blood drawn.  If it drops again, he’ll have to get a transfusion, but can do it locally.  By doing it so reguarly, we should catch it before it drops too low.  We’re also going to stay at the hotel an extra day or two after he’s released, just in case there are further issues.

The nurse was great today.  The doctor’s put him back on a regular food diet, and since it is his birthday today, they brought him up a little cake.  That was really sweet of her.